


Piracy Is In the Eye of the Beholder

by Unreal_Kitty



Series: Sea Wolf AU [5]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Children, Children, F/M, Fix-It, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, POV Theon Greyjoy, Pirates, Post-Canon, Romantic Fluff, Seawolf AU, Theon Greyjoy Lives, Theonsa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23178709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unreal_Kitty/pseuds/Unreal_Kitty
Summary: It is not uncommon for children in Westeros to play pirates, along with other games of make-believe. However, it is rare indeed to cast a bona-fide buccaneer in the villain’s role. Of course, as Sansa points out to her husband, Theon had never been a very good pirate.Here be krakens (and vast quantities of fluff).Filling the “pirates” prompt for the March 2020 Theonsa challengePost-The Sea Wolf Rises (but can stand independently)
Relationships: Theon Greyjoy & Original Character(s), Theon Greyjoy/Sansa Stark
Series: Sea Wolf AU [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1651594
Comments: 1
Kudos: 65
Collections: Theonsa Challenge 2020





	Piracy Is In the Eye of the Beholder

**Author's Note:**

> If someone could make a fanart of Theon and Sansa in the Dread Pirate Roberts/Wesley and Princess Buttercup costumes, that would be amazing.

“Stand and fight, pirate! Or I’ll run you through!”

The boy brandished a wooden sword with enthusiasm. 

“Glady,” replied the pirate with a jaunty smile. “But be warned, you shall soon rue the day you crossed paths with the Dread Captain...” He fumbled for a name. “Jon.”

“Daaaaaaad,” whined the boy. “You can’t be Captain Jon! Uncle Jon is already Jon! Be someone else.”

“Alright, Robb,” replied Theon, playfully. “What do you think? Should I be Captain Harren, then? Or how about ‘Ralf of the Riptide?’” Ralf, one of Theon’s bedtime story inventions, was among his son’s favorite villians. 

“Maybe,” said Robb. 

“I know!” Theon pulled a bit of cloth from a pouch near his sword belt. It was meant to clean a blade, but Theon supposed it would do in a pinch. He tied the fabric around his eyes, then drew a second practice sword. 

He bowed with an exaggerated, elegant gesture to his son. “Captain Symeon Star-Eyes at your service.” The blind knight had always been Theon’s favorite legend from the Age of Heroes. 

Robb frowned, confused. “Symeon? But he was a knight, not a pirate.”

Theon grinned. “Let me tell you something about knights and pirates, lad. The only difference between them is who is telling the story.”

Robb titled his head to the side.

“You’ll understand one day, lad.” Theon then traded his Northern accent for the flattened vowels of Tarth. “Now, tell me, Ser, before we set our blades against each other, what is the name of my foe?”

The boy grinned and raised his little wooden sword again. He puffed out his chest with the kind of bravado only possessed by ten-year-old boys. 

“I am Robb of House Seawolf, and I will bring you to your knees, Symeon.” 

“ _Captain_ Symeon.” corrected Theon.

“Captain Symeon,” the boy agreed. “I will defeat you once and for all!”

“Not if I defeat you first, Lord Seawolf. But first, you should know —,” Theon yanked the blindfold off and lunged, knocking his son’s weapon with enough force to startle him, but not quite enough for the boy to lose his grip on his weapon. 

“Dad! I wasn’t ready! That’s cheating!”

“Oh, did you expect the Dread Captain Symeon Star-Eyes to play fair?” He struck again. 

This time, Robb had the wherewithal to parry. “But you’re Symeon! You’re supposed to be a knight!”

“What did I say about knights and pirates, lad?”

Robb screwed up his eyes in concentration. “That….that the only difference is who’s telling the story.”

“Good,” Theon grinned, then knocked the sword out of his son’s grasp and positioned it at his neck. “So, tell me, is Captain Symeon a knight or a pirate?”

Robb looked directly into his father’s eyes, the same sea green as his own. The boy’s shone clear and triumphant, despite his precarious position in the sparring match. “It doesn’t matter what he’s called,” Robb said. “He’s a man with his sword at my throat.”

Theon lowered his weapon slowly. “Precisely.” Pride flickered in his chest. His son was a clever lad indeed. He must have gotten it from his mother, Theon reflected, along with her fiery hair. 

A stampede of footsteps caught his attention. “Uh oh, looks like you’ve got backup,” he told Robb with a conspiratorial wink. 

“AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGG!” something small and fierce leaped onto Theon’s back. 

“No!” cried Theon. He swung around and around while his daughter shrieked in delight, still clinging to his back. “Alarra!”

A younger girl toddled up and grabbed onto one of his legs. Meanwhile, Robb rallied, picking up his sword and brandishing it towards his father once more.

“We’ve got you now, _Captain_ ,” he said. “Surrender or die!”

Theon dropped his weapon and scooped his youngest daughter under his other arm, still spinning. “Never!” 

“Alright, you asked for it.” Robb lunged, knocking his father and siblings into the mud of the yard. 

“There are too many of you,” Theon complained, laughing the whole while. There was a time he had thought he’d never laugh again. But spring always follows winter in the end. 

Robb pointed his practice sword at his father’s head. “Surrender.”

“Alright, alright. I surrender, my lord. You have bested me.” 

“Bring me your captive, Lord Seawolf,” said a voice from above them. “I should like to question him.”

Theon, still on his back in the mud, craned his head to see his wife standing on the covered bridge overlooking the yard. _Sansa _. Her head was haloed in light, the sun setting her hair ablaze.__

__“As you wish, my Queen,” replied Robb with a solemn nod. What a ham that one is, Theon thought. Can’t imagine where he gets it._ _

__Theon rolled to his feet. He reached for the girls, but they had already scampered up to play with their older brother. Chuckling to himself, he climbed the stairs to meet Sansa._ _

__“Father and mother used to watch us from up here,” she said once he reached the bridge._ _

__“I remember. They’d watch us play monsters and maidens and come-into-my-castle.”_ _

__“And pirates,” Sansa added with a wry smile._ _

__“I’m sure they just _loved_ how I thought you all that one.”_ _

__“It all worked out in the end.”_ _

__Theon glanced at the children cavorting below. Robb had procured a hat from gods-knew-where and had plopped it on little Margaery’s head. It was far too big, and kept slipping down in front of her eyes. Meanwhile, Alarra had picked up the sword Theon had dropped and was circling her brother._ _

__“That it did,” he agreed._ _

__For a moment, the couple shared the delicious silence. Then Theon moved to drape an arm around Sansa. She skittered backwards. “Theon! You’re covered in mud.”_ _

__“I suppose you’d prefer me covered in nothing at all.”_ _

__“After you’ve had a bath, maybe.”_ _

__“Only if you join me.”_ _

__“Done.”_ _

__Theon laughed, then darted forward and pulled Sansa in for a kiss._ _

__“Theon!”_ _

__“What? You’re going to have a bath anyway.”_ _

__“You’re a scoundrel, you know that?”_ _

__

__“Well,” he said with a wry smirk. “I _am_ a pirate.”_ _

__“Not a very good one,” replied Sansa with a chuckle. But Theon did not laugh along, his smile vanished._ _

__“What is _that_ supposed to mean?”_ _

__“Pardon?”_ _

__“Not a very good pirate? What do you mean by that?”_ _

__“Nothing! It means nothing.”_ _

__He continued to glower._ _

__“Theon, you’re the Prince Consort of the North. Do you even want to be a good pirate?”_ _

__“It’s the principle. Why do you say I’m a terrible pirate?”_ _

__“That’s not what I said!”_ _

__“Sansa, go on, tell me.”_ _

__She gave a beleaguered sigh. “I suppose….well...My love, you weren’t much of a pirate, were you?”_ _

__“I repeat,” Theon replied tersely. “What is that supposed to mean?”_ _

__“It’s a matter of experience. I mean...exactly how many times did you actually commit an act of piracy in your life?”_ _

__Theon frowned. “Do you really want to know?” He sounded taken aback. He and Sansa had something of an unspoken agreement not to dwell on the darker parts of their past. Spring had come, and they needed to leave winter in its grave._ _

__“Go on,” Sansa prompted, not unkindly._ _

__He thought for a moment. “Three.”_ _

__Sansa gave a small smile, in spite of herself. “Three, how poetic, it suits you, my love. The perfect number for a good legend. Tell me about them.”_ _

__“You want me to tell you about times when I’ve committed horrendous acts of villainy?”_ _

__Sansa bit back a sarcastic retort. She knew of Theon’s disastrous decisions and many of the horrors they had led to. Still, she had trouble believing he had committed many acts of “horrendous villainy” as he would call it. Not in a piracy setting, anyway._ _

__“Yes, please, go on.”_ _

__“Alright. One: when I took Winterfell.”_ _

__“How is that an act of piracy?”_ _

__“What do you mean? We scaled the walls and took the castle captive.”_ _

__“But Winterfell is hundreds of leagues inland.”_ _

__“So?”_ _

__“Theon,” sighed Sansa, exasperated. “If you need to get out of the ship and walk for days to reach the castle, you can’t call it nautical piracy.”_ _

__“Technically, we still used a ship to get there.”_ _

__“So did I when I fled King’s Landing to the Eyrie, does that make me a pirate? Yo ho.”_ _

__“Nobody says ‘yo ho’,” Theon muttered. But he didn’t have much in the way of a counterargument to her broader point._ _

__“Alright fine. But the second example is definitely nautical piracy. The entire thing took place on the water.”_ _

__“What happened?”_ _

__“It was when Yara and I made off with the bulk of the Iron Fleet right under our Uncle Euron’s nose. You know, just after the Kingsmoot.”_ _

__“Theon—”_ _

__“You can’t tell me that’s not piracy, we literally stole ships.”_ _

__“You weren’t stealing though, were you? They were rightfully your sister’s ships, from what she told me of the incident. Euron was the interloper, a kingslayer and kinslayer, nonetheless, who assassinated the rightful ruler and tried to oust his heirs. At worst, you could call it a revolution.”_ _

__“Revolution or mutiny, huh?” he murmured to himself. “It’s all a matter of perspective.”_ _

__“What was that?”_ _

__“Just something that’s been on my mind of late.”_ _

__Sansa placed a gentle hand over Theon’s, mud aside. “What was the third time?”_ _

__“It was a good one. I took a small band of men, snuck onto Euron’s flagship, and stole something extremely valuable from him.”_ _

__Images of gold and spices flashed through Sansa’s mind. What was it the ironborn said? The iron price._ _

__“Well, that does sound like something a pirate would do. What did you steal?”_ _

__“My sister.”_ _

__“...Your...sister?”_ _

__“Well, she was a political hostage. Practically as valuable as it gets.”_ _

__Sansa’s silence spoke volumes._ _

__“Oh come on! You surely have to give me that one. We were on the water, I used a ship to steal something valuable off another ship, we even had to kill a few men to do it. Piracy.”_ _

__“Theon, that’s not piracy, that’s a rescue mission. A particularly noble one, at that.”_ _

__Theon signed. “Fine, you win. I’m a terrible pirate.” However harsh his words, Theon’s voice was a bit more playful than before._ _

__“I didn’t say you were _terrible._ ”_ _

__“No, no, you’ve proved my point. Absolutely awful. A blight upon the noble profession of buccaneering. The Grey King must be rolling in his watery grave to look upon such an errant ironborn. Woe betide the House of Greyjoy when Theon arrived to darken its doorstep. Oh, the—ouch!”_ _

__Sansa elbowed Theon. “Now you’re just taking the mickey.”_ _

__“Husband’s prerogative,” he said, a real smile creeping onto his face._ _

__“You know,” started Sansa hesitantly, testing out the waters. Theon’s moods were like the ocean wind, fervent and quick to change course with little warning. “Father would be proud.”_ _

__His face was inscrutable. “I suppose he would, wouldn’t he?” He looked into the distance. “Lord Eddard succeeded in raising the worst pirate in Westeros.”_ _

__Sansa’s hand crept up Theon’s face. She wrapped his curls around his fingers. “A terrible pirate,” she agreed. “But not a bad prince consort. Not bad at all.”_ _

__She pressed her lips against his. It felt like a proclamation. It felt like home._ _

__“Not bad?” asked Theon. “I suppose I could live with that.”_ _

__He wrapped a strong arm around her waist and pulled her flush against him. Mud flecked her dress, but Sansa didn’t care, not really. When she was young, she might have glowered and fretted, but that young girl was long gone. And Sansa, the Queen in the North, Lady of Winterfell, the founder of a new Great House, would trade a thousand gowns for a loving arm pulling her close._ _

__Theon began to kiss her neck. Sansa closed her eyes and signed. Soon the kisses intensified. “Theon, we’ll be seen!"_ _

__His lips brushed up the length of her neck until they hovered at her ear. Sansa shivered._ _

__His whisper echoed through her body, despite the soft sound. “Pirate or no, there’s still some kraken in me yet.”_ _

__Sansa suddenly twisted around and pressed her lips against his own ear. “Prove it.”_ _

__Theon didn’t need to be told twice. He swept Sansa into his arms with a touch more roughness than was strictly necessary, and turning towards the keep, carried her off._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thank you to my dear friend Harry Dresden for her invaluable brainstorming, idea-bouncing, editing, and overall willingness to listen to me blather on about my OTP (which is NOT hers) for hours.


End file.
